Opening the the Mystery of Loss
Dear Ones,
I am in the soup of an alchemical process…. I think we are all in this caldron, navigating so many changes in our lives. I am having to remember to remind myself to “BREATHE”.
Life can bring us so many challenges, and yet it is only by moving through the muck that we grow and evolve. The muck becomes the catalyst for us to regenerate, to learn, to become more than we thought we were.
My mother, who has almost completed her 95 years in this body and lifetime, is nearing her departure and transition, with her family and hospice workers supporting her through the birth canal of death.
We are holding the most sacred of spaces, trying to keep her as comfortable as possible as her body slowly unwinds, letting go of all the functions that have moved in faithful synchrony for all of her 95 years. One by one, departing with the hush and clunk of a system that is done.
This process is new to me. My father and my thirteen-year-old sister (and 9 years later, my first husband) departed abruptly, over 50 years ago… a shock to our family; it violently yanked out the energetic cords of our entanglement. We could only gasp for breath as we entered a catastrophic sphere of feeling, as if systems were failing. Shock. We went through the motions.
It wasn’t until I began my work in Venus Rising’s SHIP Program in 2011 that I was truly able to grieve the loss of my father, sister, and husband. It had been buried deep in my belly, a knot so big and entangled that when it began to release, it came out like sludge. This dark, heavy mass, moving like a serpent, was ready to be composted and regenerated as new energy flowing freely through my body. It brought me so much freedom to finally grieve deeply and honorably.
My grieving with my mother is so different. I am in awe of the beauty of the process, the tears… and of the realization that even a small gift of feeling in control of her life during this departure is both respectful and honoring. Consciously witnessing this brings deep respect and reverence for my sisters, who are on the front line, navigating our mother’s daily needs. Together, we have become gentler, more supportive, and more appreciative of each other and of our mother.
And the more conscious I am, the more the universe has brought me the extraordinary gift of truly seeing my mother…seeing the incredible being she is and how much her life has been a blessing to my family and me…through it all. Yes, the dark and the light, the struggle and the ease, the pain and the challenges…all have been a gift, granting me the privilege of finding myself so I could see her more clearly.
Each step of our path carries a piece of our own soul’s journey of recovery and discovery. All we need to do is be open to the process and allow ourselves to participate in life’s unfolding…the mystery will reveal itself to us.
Remember to breathe as you each go through your own challenges… may you know that the great mystery is revealing itself to you in each moment of the journey, even when it is difficult.
Hope to see you all soon!
Much Love,
Carley and John